Lessons from a Golden

How a Rescued Golden Retriever Prepared me to be an

 LE Wife

My husband and I were still in college, newlyweds, having just discovered a Blue Heeler puppy does not go well in a condo with full time school and work. After a week of sheer hell (we found a great home for the puppy on a ranch), we decided to check out the local animal shelter and discuss adopting an adult dog. Scanning through the online database of dogs available, we found a listing for a one-eyed Golden Retriever named Samson. Being the animal lover I am, I pretty much fell in love instantly.

When we arrived at the shelter, we were welcomed and brought to the back where they kept the adoptable dogs. The facility was really nice, the staff kind, the dogs well cared for. As we walked through the kennels I kept an eye out for the Golden listed online. Dogs were barking, the staff person was jabbering on about things and all I could concentrate on was finding Samson.

Walking around the last corner of kennels we saw him. A golden blob of hairy cuteness, laying on the floor, too lazy to get up but still wagging his big tail in greeting. As we came to his kennel we noticed his missing eye but despite the missing eye, his face was kind and friendly, a sweet sparkle in the eye still there. He seemed healthy, though he never sat up but rather laid with his head on his paws, seeming tired and quiet. Not knowing if he was friendly, I nervously poked my finger through the grate to touch him. Ready to jerk my hand back if he bit, I was relieved when out popped his pink tongue for a friendly lick. We asked if we could play with him and as the staff member left to get a leash, my husband and I talked about Samson. 

He seemed really sweet but we thought it was odd that he just laid there. Maybe he was sick? Did we really want a sick dog? Arriving with the leash, the staff member took us outside to a pen to play with Samson. The big blob of fluff that had initially lazed in his kennel suddenly exploded with playful energy. He ran here and there, peed on everything, rammed us, begged for scratches, only to dash off again. HE WAS AWESOME! But then we saw his chest. Shaved, covered in bleeding sores and scabbed. What the heck was wrong with him?

The staff member explained Samson's story. He had been brought into the shelter many times as a runaway, only to be reclaimed by his family every time. He was not neutered and liked to roam away from home. Not to mention, his family neglected him to the point of mats and frostbit toes. On top of that, he had severe food allergies which was why his chest was shaved. They were in the process of healing his sores and trying a different food to see if he could handle it. No one knew how he lost his eye and upon his most recent arrival at the shelter, the staff was able to convince his family to give him up as they were clearly unable to properly care for him.

Our first day together!

Despite all the information, we fell in love with Samson. Like really, madly, deeply loved him. We clicked and it was about two hours later and the ball of fluff was loaded in the backseat and riding to his new home. Before taking him home, we made a detour to PetSmart for a spa day and some education in food allergies. He settled in wonderfully to our home. Though he seemed potty trained and obedient, we weren't totally sure about our new addition. We gated him in the living room for his first night with us, only to be kept awake for hours by his mournful crying. Feeling bad for him, we brought him upstairs to our room and the rest is history. He slept every night by our bed and proved to be an amazing part of our family. I will NEVER forget that dog, and to this day, he will always be a part of our family. 

At the time of Samson's adoption, he was 5 years old. Through the next year we battled his food allergies with ceaseless dedication. Literally. We spent many afternoons at the Vet's office, bought expensive allergy specific foods, endured skin treatments, medications, steroids, hours of research, you name it...we did whatever we could for Samson. He deserved it, he deserved an awesome home and one last chance at a happy life. Despite all our trying, Samson developed cancer at 6 years old and we chose to put him to sleep. By far, the WORST memory I have was watching our dear friend fall asleep forever. He may have cost us a lot of money and many hours of worry, but Samson also gave us a purpose and a friendship unlike any pet we've had. It was like he knew he had been rescued and tried to be the best he could. Years later we still keep his cremation remains in a box on our bookcase in our living room. Call us silly, or way too sentimental, but though he had only been with us for one year, he changed our lives, and taught me the most important lessons which to this day, help me as an LEOW. How you ask? Let me share. 

Unconditional love- That's sort of a no brainer. A dog like Samson looked a little worse for wear. He was missing an eye and always had a patch of hair shaved where sores had erupted. He cost us a ton of money, a ton of stress, and a ton of work. But he was worth it. I learned to look past ALL of it, to see the beauty in what I had, a really stinkin' awesome friend. In my LE life I have learned to look past the weird schedules, the messed up plans, the worry, the fear, and see what it is we are working for. People's safety, my husband's joy, a colorful life full of great stories and lessons learned. I have learned unconditional love for a goofy dog and it prepared me to love my LE life unconditionally, despite all the negative. Samson taught me to look past the obvious negativity and embrace and love the goodness...even if it felt like there was more negative than good. He was worth it, my family and my LE life are worth it.

Courage- Samson taught me the courage to keep finding new ways to deal with his allergies. There were times Samson was so sick, he would throw up or have diarrhea all over the house. He couldn't eat anything but his special food, not even a single table scrap or a dog treat. He couldn't be bathed with soap, he had to have his feet dried with a towel after going outside so he didn't lick them raw because they were itchy. He took 5 different medications three times a day in order to get some relief. Every time we thought we had it figured out, something else began to bother him. I found the courage to keep researching solutions, to keep taking him to the Vet, to keep adding things to the list no matter how much more work it meant for us. In my LE life I have the courage to keep finding ways to cope. I have the courage to see a hard situation, like being alone on a holiday, and find a solution. I have the courage to get through the hardships and fear. I have the courage to never take no for an answer and to always keep going.

Hope- This same courage gives me the ability to hope. When we thought we found a new treatment to help Samson, I never was afraid to hope it would work. I learned to always get my hopes up...it kept us trying. In my LE life I always hope. I hope for tomorrow that we will be strong as a married couple. I hope for my husband's safety and that it will continue until retirement. I hope for success, I hope for my own happiness. I have hope in the hardships, that there will always be a path out.

Dedication- Again, sort of a no brainer after you've read what we did for Samson. We never missed a medication, we never gave up his comfort routines. We were dedicated to his health and well being because he was like our kid, and because we felt like it was our duty to keep him healthy since we had adopted him. We took on the role knowing what we were going to have to do for him. In the same way, I took on the responsibility of being an LEOW knowing full well it would be hard. But I choose to be dedicated to thriving through this life. To not just survive it, but to come out on the other side better and not bitter. I'm dedicated to supporting my husband and fighting for our family. I want my kids to see someone who never gives up fighting for what is important. I am dedicated to coping, taking responsibility, and finding ways to be joyful in my LE life.

Enjoying the moments- Samson's health was always up and down and that taught me to enjoy it while I could. When he was well enough to go for a walk, we took a really long one. When he was well enough to swim, we bought an awesome floaty toy and spent all day at the lake. In my LE life, when my husband has a day off, we make the most of it. When he is home for lunch, I shut off the TV, stop what I'm doing and spend time together. It's the little details of life that give it its unique beauty. We need to find the ability to stop and take in the moment, instead of always looking ahead. How much do we miss because we only focus on the big picture, instead of focusing in on the little things that actually make the whole picture up? Samson taught me to love the moments and not worry about the future. The future will always arrive whether we know what's coming or not. Spend your life living in the moment...you'll never get the same moment back.

Staying Positive- Many times when a treatment didn't work or Samson got sick on a new food, we would feel so discouraged. I was tired of researching why. Why was he sick in the first place? Why didn't this work? Why is this happening? On and on. But if we hadn't stayed positive it never would have worked out at all. We never would have gotten over the first hurdle if we hadn't been positive. Being positive allowed us to hope and to find the courage to be dedicated. In my LE life I choose to stay positive because it benefits myself and my family. It makes things easier, not more difficult. It allows us to hope, be courageous, and find the dedication to keep going. Staying positive is my fuel to come out on the other end of my husband's career still faithful, still happy, still whole, and still thriving.

Working together- I learned to work with my husband. We were a team to get Samson through his bouts. We tag teamed giving Samson his medications. We took turns letting him out in the middle of the night when he was sick. We both researched, we both fretted, we both loved him, and we both worked to keep him healthy. In the same way, we both fight for our marriage. We both are dedicated to making our LE life work. We both focus on each others needs and make the other person a priority. When times get hard we BOTH fight for a solution. Neither of us takes no for an answer and neither of us goes through this life alone. We are a team, working together to make our family a happy, healthy, thriving success story.

Letting go- Finally, Samson taught me to let go. The night we put him to sleep I laid at his head and talked him through it. I kissed him and cried and felt pretty much horrible. But I had to let him go. I had to give into the realization that he was too sick and in the same way he deserved to have a good life, he also deserved to no longer suffer. I couldn't control it anymore. I had to let go of the fight. Sometimes in our LE lives we have to learn to let go. I am still learning to let go of my husband. To give him over to the Lord so that if something ever happened to him, I could go on. We have to let go of battles and fears. We have to let go of certain expectations and requirements. To survive in an LE marriage we have to fight for it, but also know that sometimes bad things happen and we may lose our Officer. We may have to let go of dreams and plans. But the hope, courage, and dedication that got us to this point will also keep us going if our Officer were to be taken. Sometimes letting go of what we already have enables us to live life fuller because we are freer. 

So in the end, Sweet Samson taught me 8 important lessons that gave me a head start as an LEOW. All of the things I learned because of him, I use as a LE wife. I try to operate in unconditional love. I try to look to the future with hope. I try to have courage to get through whatever faces me. I try to be dedicated to my family and choosing to stay positive. I try to put aside my fears and worries and enjoy the little moments. I try to stay positive so that our family never fails. I try to work with my husband to keep our life together instead of thinking I have to do it all myself. And finally, I try to let things go and give them up to God. 

Samson was just a dog but he left a huge impact on my life. He was my first test at fighting for something worth having and I'll love him to pieces forever because of it.

A Little Sleep...Please!

Night shifts suck...and not just for the Officers working them. Spouses get the short stick too when it comes to night shift and sleep. I struggle to make it to bed on time when my husband works nights, and when I finally make it to bed, a lay awake thinking. By the time he comes home I have either just fallen asleep or have been laying in the dark for hours. When he hops into bed we end up talking and I'm lucky if I get 4 or 5 hours of quality rest. Sound familiar? Sleep for spouses of LEOs can be difficult, below are some tips and links to help you get a better nights rest! Your body will appreciate it...and so will everyone else! :)

1. Control the light and noise. Make sure to close your blinds or curtains at night. If you have street lights outside your window, add a blanket to help darken the light. Also, help keep your brain in the "sleep zone" by controlling the noise in your room. We use a fan to help drown out weird noises, or loud ones like the train. A fan can also help relax you...it goes back to sounds in the womb when we were babies.  
2. Make a relaxing routine for bedtime.
   Get in the habit of a routine. Settle into bed a half hour early to read. Invest in comfy pj's or soak in a warm bath before bed. Drinking decaf tea can help as well, or warm milk like our Grandmas said. There are varieties of teas that help relax your body, check out a tea and spice shop for help on which ingredients will help instead of hinder. 
3. Avoid bad habits. One of the worst habits to get into before bed is hanging out on the computer or in front of a TV. It is especially bad to your sleep cycle if you do these activities IN bed. The lights and visual stimulation activate your brain and make it hard to come down from the stimulation. It can prolong the time you need to fall asleep as well as mess with your sleep rhythm. Remember, light means wake time, and any light can trigger your brain to wake, even electronics. 
4. De-Light your room. This means not only darkening your windows, but also covering up alarm clock lights, power lights on electronics, as well as ambient light from outside or in other rooms in the house. One of the best things I have done for my sleep is cover my alarm clock. Not only does it no longer shine in my face, but I am able to stay asleep instead of waking to check the time.
5. Stick to a regular bedtime. Consistency is key. Set the same bedtime every night. Strive for a time that can be achieved throughout the week. 10:00 pm is our bedtime. It usually allows for our little lady to get to sleep (and stay asleep) and a few hours of down time before rest. Choose a time when you routinely feel tired and stick to the plan. You can actually train your body to prepare for sleep by rewarding it with consistency. And a BIG hint here...as tempting as it is, don't stay up late on the weekends. It defeats the purpose of setting a bedtime and irregular sleep patterns can train our brains to stay alert at all hours of the night. You can actually make yourself an insomniac.
6. Wake up at the same time every day.
   
   You should wake up on your own if you are getting enough sleep. But if you are needing to wake up before your natural wake time, set an alarm clock for a consistent time every day. No cheating...even on weekends. And another BIG hint...if you sleep with an alarm clock, turn it away from you and block the light with a book or sock. If the numbers are facing you while you sleep, you will actually find yourself waking through the night to check the time. Not to mention the light can be bright and will also keep your brain stimulated.
7. Fight the urge to nap during the day. Napping can make insomnia worse. Again, you can train your brain's sleep cycles to be off by repeating certain things...like napping. Napping can disrupt your normal sleep cycle by altering your brain's wake and sleep patterns. By napping during the day, a person can train their brain to feel sleepy in the afternoon and alert at night, rather than the other way around. If you have to nap, keep it to 30 minutes and only nap in the afternoon. This way your body associates the need for sleep with night instead of daytime. 
8. Avoid caffeine, nicotine, or alcohol before bed.
   All of these substances are stimulants and a stimulant sabotages all your other sleep aid efforts. Technically alcohol is a depressant, but it still messes with your brain, especially if you are the type of person who gets energetic from alcohol. If you're trying to get quality sleep...skip the booze before bed, even if you think it relaxes you.
9. Use little light at night. Do you usually use the bathroom in the middle of the night? Try to do so with as minimal light as possible (and is safe!). Flicking lights on and off hurts our eyes adjustment to light and will trigger your crazy brain to activate. Keeping lights low when you use the restroom, or make a bottle, helps your brain stay in the "sleep zone". 
10. Finally, use light to your benefit. 
    
    When you are up during the day, try to enjoy as much sunlight as possible. Spend more time outside during daylight hours and take off your sunglasses for a short time to let light onto your face. Open the blinds in your home or workspace. When my baby had a day/night confusion the first couple weeks she was home, we placed her in front of a window during the day, and darkened the house at night. She figured out day was wake time, and night was sleep time in only a week. We trained her circadian rhythm and you can do the same for yourself.  

Check out these other links for sleep tips and info!

Sleep Tips from HelpGuide.org

Info on Circadian Rhythm from the National Sleep Foundation

 Sleep Help from The Better Sleep Council

Law Enforcement Christmas Ornaments!

It's that time of year again! Christmas! Next year I would like to do a LE themed Christmas tree so I have been looking around for ornaments. I have seen so many neat LE themed Christmas ornaments around the web, I just had to put them all in one place and share them with you! These are just a few of what's out there. If you see something you like, don't forget to browse through the rest of each company's LE ornaments...there are TONS! Many can be personalized with the year or your Officer's name/badge/department. String some blue lights on a tree, add these awesome ornaments, and you'll be showing off your LE Christmas Pride in style! Enjoy!

16 Law Enforcement Christmas Ornaments!

The Holiday Barn Police Car Ornament

Personalization Mall To Serve & Protect Engraved Ornament

Snowball Police Officer Ornament from FireCatalog.com

 

Police Hero Heart Ornament from Roberts Co. Inc.

Police Officer's Cap Christmas Ornament from Trendy Ornaments

Sheriff Santa Glass Ball Ornament from Roberts Co. Inc

4in Blown Glass Police Officer Ornament from Etsy

Police Car Dangling Ornament from Roberts Co. Inc

Police Officer's Prayer Ornament from Bronner's

Police Badge Law Enforcement Holiday Ornament from Robert's Co. Inc

Police Officer Prayer Crystal Ornament from Etsy

Thin Blue Line Shield Crystal Snowflake Ornament from Etsy

Thin Blue Line K9 Paw Crystal Snowflake Ornament from Etsy

Personalized Sheriff Ornament from Robert's Co. Inc

Thin Blue Line 7 Point Star Crystal Snowflake Ornament from Etsy

Gold Police Badge Glass Ornament from Bronner's

A Baby's Birth, A Savior's Peace

It was nearly 2 a.m. on a crisp fall morning. The lights in the hospital room were dimmed to a comforting glow and a peaceful stillness enveloped us like a cozy blanket. Not a sound filled the room but the sweet squeaking of our new born baby girl, wrapped tight in blankets and snuggled into my arms. My husband stood close, guarding his new prize, and wiping tears from his eyes as he gazed down at a tiny little form already winning his heart. I remember the overwhelming peace in our room that morning, a comfort and quiet so calming and sure. It was an atmosphere I could bask in forever.

Nothing comes close to the intimacy of a baby's birth and I often wonder what the birth of Jesus was like. I have to believe that the same intimacy and peace that my husband and I experienced also enveloped the stable after His birth. Can you imagine the awe that must have overcome His parents? What an amazing experience to be ordained with the task of birthing and raising God's Son!

As the Christmas holiday approaches, so many of us get swept away in the excitement of the season. There are decorations to put up, parties to plan, presents to buy. So much to do before the one special day! There is an excitement and happiness in the air that is almost palpable.

But what about the true reason for the season? What about the birth of Jesus? How do we connect with that day? Especially when all the stories and pictures depict a time so long ago...it almost feels like a fairy tale. But it happened. All the anticipation and anxiety of a baby's impending birth. The pain, the fear, the struggle. It all happened. But so did the beauty.

For those of you who have had children, you can relate to the amazing emotions that come over you when the labor is finished and your baby is in your arms. You feel love, fear, responsibility, intimacy, protection...the list goes on. But there is always that special moment after birth where the parents are given time to bond with their baby. To feel their little one skin to skin. To gaze into their little face. To feel their tiny hands and hear their helpless cry. This time contains the most breathtaking peace and intimacy.

Picture the stable so long ago. Historians believe it was a cave, chilly and dark. Animals milled about, their sounds echoing in the night. Perhaps the city outside was still busy with people going to and fro for the census. No one knew their Savior had just been born in the crudeness of a stable.

But despite the hectic city, the noisy animals, the chilly stable, there would have been a peace surrounding Mary and Joseph. After the pain of labor was over, after the visitors had left, Mary and Joseph would have been left alone with baby Jesus in the same way so many parents through history have been. All the sounds of the city and the animals would have disappeared. They would be enamored with their new baby, in awe of the breathtaking beauty of His birth and His purpose. They would swaddle and hold Him, gaze into His tiny face and hear His helpless cry. A quiet peace would have enveloped them. The only thing they would see were His tiny features. The only sounds they would hear were the squeaks and suckles of their brand new baby boy. In those moments He would have become their world.

The quiet calm after birth is amazing. It is a beauty words cannot describe. The reason for the Christmas season is the celebration of Jesus' birth. Wouldn't it be amazing if at Christmas, we experienced the same peace and quiet calm following the birth of a baby? Instead of the hustle and bustle, the stress and the buying. Instead of pressure to outshine others, the struggle to afford the best presents, what if we instead, enjoyed a peace and sureness. If we instead, remembered that this special day marks our Saviors birth and all the beauty surrounding a new life.

A baby's birth does not represent buying, stress, competition or showmanship. A baby's birth is supposed to represent the beauty of life, the intimacy in creation, the quiet calm that is awe inspiring. Shouldn't our Savior's birth represent the same things? His birth should remind us of peace, and our hope in life.

As Christmas gets nearer, I pray we are all able to stop for a moment and bask in the same peaceful, intimate, and calming atmosphere that accompanies the time after a baby's birth. I pray we can remember the purpose of the season, to take to heart the many facets of what Jesus' birth really means, what it would have been like, and how we should celebrate it today. The beauty of Christmas is not just the lights and the snow but the intimacy and peace of a baby's birth...our Savior's birth.

Merry Christmas to you and your family. May you feel peace and comfort in a new way this season.

Coping with your Cop

We love our LEOs, that's a given. But sometimes they are hard to handle...no offense officers. I'm still trying to figure my hubby out (that won't change, it's called marriage), and I know I'm not alone on that one. This is in no way bashing of our Officers, but many times they are hard to figure out. They come home from shift and are amped up and full of energy, the next day they don't want to talk and need to be alone. They run fine off no sleep one week, and then need double next week, leaving you to shush your kids every two seconds while they try to catch up. They want to share about work, sometimes they don't. They love the job, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they kick the cynical demon riding on their back, other days it seems like cynicism just hitched a ride forever. Our Officers can be up and down and all around. How do we cope with the rodeo of the Law Enforcement life?

Picture a common LE spouse problem. You've just spent your day running errands around town, cleaning the house, managing the kids, and planning a yummy dinner. Tonight your LEO is home for the weekend. You've gotten all of your responsibilities out of the way so your weekend is relaxing and you can just have fun together. 6 pm rolls around and the table is set, dinner is warm on the oven, the kids are waiting for dad to get home. You look forward to hugging him, hearing about his day, relaxing together once the kids are in bed. Dad finally walks through the door (two hours late because he had a call) and the night you planned looks like it won't be happening. Something happened at work but he won't share. He is quiet, and thoughtful. You ask if he is ok and he mumbles yes. Not realizing it, you ask several times again throughout your quiet dinner meal. He finally snaps he's fine and you feel hurt at his outburst. After all, you're just making sure he's alright...you can tell he isn't. Dishes are cleared, kids are in bed and he decides to sit in his chair and watch TV minus any conversation. The rest of the night goes this way and you finally crawl into bed hurt, confused, and entirely disappointed.

Have you ever had a night like this? How do you get through it without holding a grudge or feeling resentment?

Two loving words...Empathy & Grace.

What is Empathy? According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Empathy is "the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else's feelings". What does the Bible say? "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind" 1 Peter 3:8.

Empathy is the ability to walk in someone eles's shoes. You've heard that term before, right? Have you ever thought about what it actually means? Your LEO comes home and isn't talking. He is keeping to himself and seems troubled. Sympathy is feeling bad for them. Empathy would require you to imagine what his day may have been like and thus experience his same emotions. Is his behavior due to a hard day? Could he possibly have seen something disturbing? Could he feel like he has failed at something or didn't try hard enough? Could he be questioning or reevaluating something? Empathy is the ability to think beyond a situation's obvious elements. It's being able to imagine a scenario and feel the same feelings the other person is experiencing.

While we can not fix our LEOs or take away their struggles, we can support them through trying to understand their positions. We can empathize with the results of an experience. Fear from a shooting. Pain from a Domestic call. Anger from a Child Abuse case. Nightmares. Tears. Worry. Anxiety. It comes down to asking yourself "How would you feel if...".

When we look at a situation from only our own perspective or experience base, we risk assigning wrong motives or misinterpreting the feelings, actions, or reactions of others. When we seek to put ourselves in their shoes, we gain an understanding that often helps us be more patient and supportive of others. Ministry Tools Resource Center.

God Himself empathizes with us. "O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways." Ps. 139:1-3, "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." Ps. 103:13-14

Empathy is something that can be developed through communication and a strong imagination. Not everyone is naturally empathetic. It can take time to be able to empathize with your LEO. The best way to begin to gain this skill is by communicating with them when they are able. Imagine a scenario, imagine how you would feel and then ASK QUESTIONS! "Honey, how did it make you feel when you saw the dead body?" "Are you troubled by what you experienced last night?" "How can I support you?" Empathy takes the spotlight off of ourselves...My dinner is ruined, he isn't talking and I'm lonely, I'm disappointed etc...and places the spotlight on another. It requires selflessness and patience. Empathy benefits others.

Without Empathy, we can not operate in true Grace.

Empathy takes operating in Grace to a whole new level. It enables us to not only offer support, but to show love and offer Grace because we empathize with their experiences.  

What is Grace? We aren't talking about the typical definition as found in the dictionary. The grace I am talking about is not a way of moving, it's not a dinner prayer...it's an attitude, a way of showing love and patience, and an outlook of forgiveness. Grace is the act of letting someone be, of loving them where they are at and honoring that person with boundaries and respect. It is to operate in patience toward the person we are showing grace to. Grace is unconditional love and understanding with no expectations of return.

We all have received Grace from God in the gift of salvation. "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--  not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9,  "But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it." Ephesians 4:7, "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men." Titus 2:11

We are saved by Grace because of God's love for us. We are not held to man's laws in order to receive love, but rather the understanding of our sinful nature, and the power of repentance and God's saving Grace.

In the same way we have received Grace despite our flaws and sin, so too must we give Grace to one another. Despite your LEO's faults, Grace is deserved.

I wrote above of different definitions of Grace: it is patience, forgiveness, honor, and respect. Read what the Bible defines love to be...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. So if these are the definitions of love, as well as Grace, Grace is also the outpouring of love. When we interact with others through Grace, we show love. We live the examples of what love truly is. 

Your Officer has just had a bad shift. He isn't ready to talk. He needs time alone. You respect his struggle and honor his boundaries of needing space. You are patient with the amount of time he needs. You don't take it personal and hold no grudge for the fact that the night you planned didn't work out. You expect nothing when he is ready to share. You love him through this struggle despite your own desires. You show him Grace. 

THIS is an example of Grace. THIS is an example of Love. THIS is an example of unconditional understanding. You expect nothing for the patience, honor, boundaries, and love you show him. You take him where he is at with an Empathy for his experiences and a Grace for his behavior and needs.

Empathy enables you to understand what he is experiencing while Grace gives you the power to step aside and love him through the hard times. 

Your LEO has just come home. You catch him crying in your room, his shoulders are slumped and his muscles are tense. You walk in and hug him. You give him a moment while you imagine what his day has been like. Maybe he saw something gruesome. You would feel sick, and scared. You ask him how he is feeling. He doesn't respond. This doesn't bother you because you can imagine it may be hard to talk about. You ask him if he had a bad day. He nods. You ask him if he would like to talk . He says no. You kiss him and leave, giving him space until he is ready because you can image it's something bad enough he needs to process. Later that night he comes to you and shares. He went to a murder call. It was a child and he can't get the image out of his head. He projects the experience onto his own children and he is feeling every emotion imaginable. You listen. You affirm. You feel the same feelings. You pray together.

One thing I want to add is this, Empathy does not mean taking on the other person's feelings in order to fix them. WE CAN NEVER FIX SOMEONE ELSE. The power of Empathy is fulfilled in better understanding them...not fixing them. It is easy to lob onto our LEOs emotions or behaviors and let them set the mood for the day. It's easy to yo-yo with them and, in the end, feel victimized, down, and exhausted. Instead of assessing our Officers with a microscope and making sure they are ok so WE are ok...practice Empathy and Grace. These two abilities give us the power to own our own feelings, while respecting the boundaries of our Officers as they own THEIR feelings. Empathy and Grace keeps supporting our Officers simple. It empowers us to listen, respect, love, and counsel effectively. It does not ask us to fix them...it demands that we love them where they are at unconditionally with no expectation of return or a magic fix. Empathy and Grace are Love.

Worth more than Gold

 

What would our marriages look like if we cared for them like gold? If we knew they worth fixing instead of  trading in? Could we get through hardships with less scratches if our marriage was lovingly nurtured and protected? If more than the surface was cared for and polished?  If we put aside other things and first focused on our marriage, would it change the way we see life? Would we feel more secure if we knew our investment had good construction and was made of quality? Would we learn to live simply because our value is in our relationships instead of our things. Could we experience a tender, trusting love, intimate and lasting, because we care for it as if it could shatter? How would our children react if they saw us tending our spouses with love and gentleness? Would it inspire them to put value in themselves and the one they love? Finally, how inspired would you feel if you knew what you were investing in would grow and last forever? Marriage is a relationship worth more than gold...tend it with care and place value on it above other things. The return from it is priceless.