Thursday, November 14, 2013

Why Marriage Isn't for You...

“Marriage is a total commitment and a total sharing of the total person with another person until death.”  ~ Wayne Mack 

 Ever wonder what marriage is really about? Even those of us who have been married a while can wonder sometimes. Everyone has days when they question elements of their marriage, sometimes seriously, sometimes just because it turned out different than they expected.

Especially in a Law Enforcement marriage, times can get hard. Your spouse may begin to cope with the strains of the job differently, resulting in the picture you created of your happily-ever-after becoming skewed.You may think, "This isn't what I thought it would be like." "Were the plans I had just a fantasy?"

When spouses get busy (overtime, children, responsibilities) we can grow apart. The routine of everyday can creep between our bonds. We become passive and neglectful of the commitment we made. We get tired, complacent, and bitter.

It's so easy to become resentful of our spouse's job. He's late again. He doesn't care that I slaved over dinner. I'm lonely. I'm bored. He's neglecting the kids. He's neglecting me. Why can't I get a break? Why do I have to be understanding? The job always ruins my plans. Does this sound familiar? All of these things I have felt and battle with too.

When I begin "stinkin' thinkin'" I have to remember these wise words "...a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”- Seth Adam Smith "Marriage Isn't for You"

Love flows through a marriage that lives up to mutual responsibility. “Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )
There have been several couples in the past who have come to us asking how we do it. Specially because we married young. We tell them, from the beginning we committed to putting 100% in each other. Not 100% total...we don't mean 50/50. We each put 100% into the other. When I am caring 100% for my husband's needs, and he in return does the same for me, we are both completed. We both receive full care and our marriage grows. When hard times come that steal from one of us, there is always support and love left over. I have the energy to pick up the slack for my husband when he is worn down from work, too tired to do a project, or emotionally exhausted. In the same way, he can step in and fill the void when the household responsibilities are too much, when I need a break from the kiddo, or I need an ear to listen. 

 "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-6
A marriage is made of two individuals with individual needs. When each spouse is contributing 100% percent to their half of the marriage, it thrives. It remains intact in the hard times. Giving 100% can be hard, but it demands that each spouse focuses on respect and empathy. We look to the others needs and they in return, care for ours. Caring for the other grows intimacy, respect, compassion, and communication. It keeps both partners on the same path.

Below is a wonderful article written by Seth Adam Smith about how marriage isn't for anyone...and it's not what you expect! Please take time to read it! "Marriage Isn't for You"

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